I was talking with a friend Wednesday evening in the foyer at church, after our evening service, and I was telling her how I had been in a funk, mood, disconnect for a few weeks...but I wasn't honest...really it's been months...

and because I've allowed this funk, mood, disconnect
to consume me...
I've nursed it and fed it,
I've pet it and stroked it,
I've paraded it and pampered it,

and because I've allowed this funk, mood, disconnect
to take root...
some days I've worn it proudly like a medal
and other days, I've shoved it to the back of the closet,
some times I've displayed it for all to see
and other times I've shamefully kept it in the dark,

and because I've allowed this funk, mood, disconnect
to have control...
I've sinned greatly against my Father

against the One who has brought me out of my own Egypt
against the One who loves me with a love I can't fathom
against the One who knows my name and calls me His child

I have made this funk, mood, disconnect my own little god,
even in the midst of knowing that He spoke these words,
"You shall have no other gods before me."

He spoke them,
not an angel, or a messenger, or a prophet...
He spoke them

and yet I still managed to carve out a little god
to keep in my back pocket,
to take out, prop up and polish till it shined

As I repent and seek His forgiveness,
that little god suddenly doesn't seem so little after all,
the immense power it's had is exposed
and the consequences are understood...


Michele said...

I am so glad that I am not the only one who feels like this. Thanks for sharing your heart!

Barb said...

Deb...I know God listens WAY better than I do, but know I'm here if you need me. I miss you, but then I always miss you even if we've just been together. I'm so thankful God brought you into my life. You were one of His gifts to me and He sent you at a time I needed you so much. I continue to need you in my life. I just wish we all weren't so darn busy that we had more time to just hang out together. We are like two peas in a pod and I love being in that pod with you! I love you Deb and will pray for you tonight.

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