Summer Days ~ An Ode To White Legs

I have the whitest legs on the planet.
Trust me. They're so white, they're almost translucent. 

One of the most frustrating things about having lily-white skin is when I tell people I'm a native Floridan, they never believe me.  I'm supposed to have a golden brown hue...(cue the dream-like music) I'm supposed to have...

'Skin that shimmers like light on the water,
basking in the white sands of Clearwater Beach,
glowing in the moonlight off the Bellair Causeway...'

Nope, not this gal.

When I was a little girl during the summer, zinc oxide was my constant companion. That white diaper-cream-like paste and I were inseparable during the summer months. My mother not only slathered it on me at the beach, but she laid in on thick at home too. Step a toe outside and out came "the Tube". 

Then I became a teenager.  And shockingly I did some stupid things to achieve a dream that my DNA just wouldn't allow.

Like slathering my 13 year old self with Hawaiian Tropic OIL, circa 1978, and frying myself to a crisp. It was so bad I couldn't walk for a week. With a sunburn like that you do what ever it takes to put out the fire. 

Sleeping on the bathroom floor all week because the tile was cool. 
Smelling like a kosher pickle all week because you bathed in vinegar. 
Sticking to everything all week because you're covered in aloe from head to toe.

Another bright idea in my youthful quest for brown skin was buying "QT", circa 1980, and applying that caramel foam to my legs, just my legs mind you, which left the rest of me pale. I walked around for a week, oblivious to fact that as the week progressed, I had patches all over my legs that were fading from dark brown, to orange peel, to pale again. I looked like a leper.

Once, and only once, lying in a tanning bed, circa 1983, when tanning beds first showed up, I didn't tan...but my tongue was neon green for a week. Gamma rays, I guess. Me and the Hulk now have another thing in common.

So after numerous visits to the skin doctor to have things frozen, sliced, and cut out of my skin, I have finally realized that my lily-white skin just doesn't want to be brown. 

So I've written a poem, an ode if you will, to the daily reality of having lily-white skin in a sea of beautiful brown hues.

The Florida sun was hot today,
blazing down upon my skin,

a lily-white shade it is,
thanks to my kin.

The sun is my enemy,
creating all sorts of spots,

Sometimes I mumble to myself,
"my skin looks like Connect-the-Dots".

As the day draws long,
and my skin turns to red,

Any chance of a golden, brown tan
is now most certainly dead.

The sun starts to set,
turning the sky an orange hue,

and my elbow is hurting,
how I missed that spot, I haven't a clue.

So tonight in the coolness of home
where my skin can rejoice,

"More creams, more lotions, more aloe!"
I'll cry out,
in a loud, miserable voice.

So, now, after finally giving up on my quest for Coppertone skin, this is how I dress at the beach...

Cute huh?


Girl, I have enjoyed this post today! LOL! The poem is GREAT! I have that skins tone that I can tan easily I am too old and fat to put up with the heat and I finally had that one cell brain I have actually shout to me "THE SUN WILL KILL YOU" STUPID! The sad part is that most of us STUPIDS wait too long to realize we were stupid! Now...should I desire to have a little golden bronze look for a special occassion, I slap on a little of the store bought stuff which isn't often cause I am lazy to do it! Guess I will just settle for my (tad) of olive skin tone with the spots on my hands and arms and now appearing on my face! Just praising the Lord I got a face Huh?
Hugs and blessings, Cindy
P.S. Deb, everybody can't have it all least me and you got a sense of humor!
Deb said…
That's for sure Mrs. Cindy! I thought about getting a spray tan but I would probably end up looking like an orange traffic cone ;)